What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

Is it normal to hate my dog, but feel too guilty to get rid of him?

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

Should The Braves Consider Offers On Chris Sale? - MLB Trade Rumors

We all went to grammer schools

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

Queens of the Stone Age Playing 11 Historic Theaters on 2025 North American Tour - Loudwire

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

Beyoncé Briefly Dangles Over Houston Stadium Crowd As Flying Prop Car Malfunctions - Deadline

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

She found it foreign!.

Can a relationship really last forever?

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

I don,t even have a pension.

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

What are some prime examples of gibberish from the bible?

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

I was seconnd youngest,

'Mum's young-onset dementia is 'heartbreaking' says Bristol woman - BBC

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

Veritatis voluptatem autem enim similique quo quasi magnam tempora.

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

Ipsam commodi repudiandae aliquid.

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

I know ,a lot about trauma.

Deportees are being held in a converted shipping container in Djibouti, ICE says - NPR

This is soul school!.

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

What are 5 ways that can be done by the community to improve the public transport system?

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

How the Brain’s RNA Rings Are Formed - Neuroscience News

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

Scientists discover universal rule that governs all life on Earth - The Brighter Side of News

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

I never cut or harmed myself..

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

Microsoft Confirms Password Deletion—Now Just 8 Weeks Away - Forbes

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

All the time i was locked up.

Has anyone shared his wife with a friend? How was it?

He resisted the act ,that day.

I did it because my mum asked me too!

Would this be the day?

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

They are buried together, in the same grave..

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

Was to survive, this bastard.

We were not on the streets..

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

My mum and dad in the seventies!

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

What did i know ?

It was going to be , some day.

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

Where the ultimate outsiders.

One cannot live in the past .

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

I was very sick at this time too.

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

As i do to all so called friends.?

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

I couldn’t, believe it.

When she asked me how she looked .

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

I said to her

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

I have no regrets .

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

I was scared of men, in general

And i lived it daily.

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

She married twice! .

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

So whats the point in blame.

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

She wouldn,t have been !

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

And who doesn’t know suffering?

Who then, do I blame.?

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

Comes on , in middle age.

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

This is how, and why children get BPD.

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

Why did i forgive my father ?

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

I had hoped to write a book about this .

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

I could never make a relationship work though!

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

My family never makes their pension either.

I write beautiful poetry .

But it wasn’t much.

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

I think the readers, may guess!

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

I was 9 years of age.

So, i spoilt her more .

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

Especially a lifetime of it.

(And it was in our own minds.)

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

On the 31st of Jan this month .

He was dying to do it , i knew.

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

Im dying but, im not bitter.

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

The only rule us 5 kids had .

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

My life is so biszare .

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

But, we were locked up after school.

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

She was in good health!

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

She loved him until the end.

I will be 64.

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

Im still living with it.

I waited trembling.

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

Ive learnt so much.

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

Put me off passion for life!!

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

He knew the spot.

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

But ive been too sick for many years..